On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.

Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers. It's too good for them.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

Many of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing any man to be my running mate. I'm going to reach in and grab a woman!

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.