I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.

Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.

I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.