Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.

Worrying about the future is a thing of the past. I don't think about it.

So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.

It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.

Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.

In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.