Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.

We have to fight for the freedom to be stupid, and smoking is one of the best ways to fight for your freedom, to be just as stupid as you can be.

From 1985 to 1994, I lived in Manhattan in a big old loft right off Times Square. I could walk to work, which was in a couple of Broadway theaters, to Howard Stern's studio, and to 30 Rock for 'Letterman' and 'SNL.' Even in New York, walking to work is homey and folksy, like living in a small town.

I was about 12 when I heard my first Lenny Bruce record. He was already dead. But it changed my life and really did change the world.

Everybody prefers to see a nut - they're more fascinating.

A two-party system is way too good for those two parties.

Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby.