People like Bill Maher, who brags about being a cynic, it sickens me. I am the least cynical person I know, and I am very, very skeptical.

I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more.

I didn't learn fire-eating to conquer my fears. I learned fire-eating because I desperately wanted to be in show business.

If there's something you really want to believe, that's what you should question the most.

If the bible were published as fiction, no reviewer would give it a passing grade. There are some vivid scenes and quotable phrases but there's no plot, no structure, a tremendous amount of filler and the characters are painfully one dimensional. Whatever you do, don't read the bible for a moral code. It advocates prejudice, cruelty, superstition and murder. Read it because we need more atheists.

The only difference between Obama and Bush is that Obama is killing more people.

Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.