Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O, and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.

In my private life, I'm not around any drugs or alcohol.

I will not counter the insanity of the PATRIOT Act with an overblown fear of my rights being taken away.

We need a president who realizes that there's no government business in show business.

I never wanted to be a magician. I never wanted to be a comedian. I never wanted to be onstage.

Barack Obama is way smarter than Bush - so way, way smarter than me. Obama is way more charismatic than me.

When you're watching Psycho, there' s that moment when you have a visceral reaction to watching someone being stabbed. And then you have the intellectual revelation that you're not, and that's where the celebration comes in.