I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more.

You get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right.

The secret truth of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is that it isn't very hard... 'Celebrity Apprentice' is easy like junior high is easy. All the arithmetic, the creative writing and the history are super simple, but like junior high, you do that easy work surrounded by people who are full-tilt, hormone-raging bug nutty.

Comedy is taken care of by a free market.

I think that I am willing to risk my life in order to have more freedom.

Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby.

How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do.