I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

Amarillio, just turn to the left and 500 yards down

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!