I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.