The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.