One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.