Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

Amarillio, just turn to the left and 500 yards down

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.