No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.