There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.