Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.