I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.

Relax, I'll get it. (said to Kato after Clouseau knocks him unconscious)

To see me as a person on screen would be one of the dullest experiences you could ever wish to experience.

There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.

Now then, what do we know? One, that Professor Fassbinder and his daughter have been kidnapped. Two, that someone has kidnapped them. Three, that my hand is on fire.

Conversation like television set on honeymoon... unnecessary.

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.