Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!