When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.