He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.