He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

All mothers are working mothers.

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.