A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.

You want to look younger... rent smaller children.

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!