My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
All mothers are working mothers.
self-pity is better than none.
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.