It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

You want to look younger... rent smaller children.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.