Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.