I don't like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio.
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.
One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.