I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.