Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.

They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.

I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.