To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won't have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.