My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.

All mothers are working mothers.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.