I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.