Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

I never made `Who's Who,' but I'm featured in `What's That?'

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.

self-pity is better than none.