You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.