You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

Comedy is tragedy revisited.

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.