When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!