The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.