They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.