They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.