When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.