When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.