The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.

I just wonder what it would be like to be reincarnated in an animal whose species had been so reduced in numbers than it was in danger of extinction. What would be its feelings toward the human species whose population explosion had denied it somewhere to exist. I must confess that I am tempted to ask for reincarnation as a particularly deadly virus.

Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.

What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer.

If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort - provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.

Who is going to be the first to face up to the need for self-restraint in the number of children brought into the world?

No, I'd probably end up spitting it out over everybody.