We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.

Do people trip over you?

I suppose I'd get in trouble if I were to melt them down.

They're a damn nuisance - I've got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

I don't know how they're going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield.

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I've practised for many years.