They're a damn nuisance - I've got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.

It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.

The biggest waste of water in the country by far. You spend half a pint and flush two gallons.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?

I just wonder what it would be like to be reincarnated in an animal whose species had been so reduced in numbers than it was in danger of extinction. What would be its feelings toward the human species whose population explosion had denied it somewhere to exist. I must confess that I am tempted to ask for reincarnation as a particularly deadly virus.

We live in what virtually amounts to a museum - which does not happen to a lot of people.