The grass is always greener once you don't have to mow a lawn anymore.

It's not a matter of whether or not someone's watching over you. It's just a question of their intentions.

The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.

Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.

There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses.

Desperate is not a sexual preference.

The shortest verse in the Bible is 'Jesus wept.' The only thing wrong with it is the past tense.