There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses.

The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them.

Think of life as a giant, fat cat you're in charge of. Sometimes you can control it, but other times, it's going to do what it wants and you have to roll with it. And sometimes you can do everything - everything you're s'posed to do- and it'll still shred all the things you hold dear... The only thing you can really do with life is rub its belly and prepare for the worst.

The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.

Being prepared for loss is never the same as being ready for it.

People age even when you're not looking.

That's the thing about marriage. It's a shell game we play with ourselves. We're the suckers and we have to lose, but we play anyway because we lie to ourselves that we can win.