I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.

I don't think men talk as much as women, but when we have something on our minds we'll get it out.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.

I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.