That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

Mike Royce and I have always had success writing what we know. What we know now is that we're middle-aged, neurotic and fat.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

Failure-it centers me. Too much success has me thinking, All right, what's goin' on?

I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sole source of income.