I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.

I put myself on tape and the cool thing was that Martin Scorsese had never heard of me. He had never seen [Everybody Loves Raymond]. I was just an unknown actor to him. I don't want to sound conceited, like he has to know who I am, but that seemed a little odd. He's a film genius. He doesn't watch sitcoms.

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

Well, I'm a 14 handicap. Anyone who golfs knows what that means.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

I am like Hugh Hefner minus anything good about his life.

I'll be spending the holidays with my family. Nothing special, just some light bickering and biting sarcasm.