If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.

I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.

My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.

You might think that's an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.