I love standup and I haven't given it up.

My kids are growing up and it's hard to accept they are their own person and they're independent.

I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over.

The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.

I have this mistress: show business.