Sex after one child shows down. After twins... ooh... I'll tell you what it is for us. I'll share it with you. Every three months. We don't plan it that way. That's just how it works out. It's the weirdest thing. You know what I do? Every time I have sex, the next day I pay my estimated tax. My quarterlies are due. If it's oral sex, I renew my driver's license.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

I love standup and I haven't given it up.

I can't complain about my career, that's for sure.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.