Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness.'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

I have this mistress: show business.

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

You might think that's an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.

I put myself on tape and the cool thing was that Martin Scorsese had never heard of me. He had never seen [Everybody Loves Raymond]. I was just an unknown actor to him. I don't want to sound conceited, like he has to know who I am, but that seemed a little odd. He's a film genius. He doesn't watch sitcoms.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.