My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.

I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over.

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots. They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing distracts them. That's not me.

The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.