I can't complain about my career, that's for sure.

You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.