For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.
I want to do well and I want to fit in.
You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me.
I still got my hair, I'm not fat.
It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.
Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.