I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sole source of income.

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

Failure-it centers me. Too much success has me thinking, All right, what's goin' on?

My kids are growing up and it's hard to accept they are their own person and they're independent.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

I have this mistress: show business.