I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.
If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.
Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.
I love hitting into the rough because it gets me close to the people.
If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.