If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.

My kids are growing up and it's hard to accept they are their own person and they're independent.

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

I like doing film, you know, single-camera.

You might think that's an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.