It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

Why can't I love him (a 2 yr old nephew) from afar? That's how I want to love him - through pictures and folklore.

It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy. But it was Vegas and things got crazy, and it happened. We go to Vegas to try to sign Elvis Presley and things get crazy. My character [in Vinyl] is stoned.

I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.