I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.